As I've said before, I'm not big into hating on music. If I don't like something, I'll leave it alone. Which is why for today's challenge I thought I'd try to find a song I liked by a band I didn't. There are a good few standout songs by otherwise crap bands that I could have chosen, but you know what? Today I'm in a bad mood so I reckon I'll break my own rule for once and talk about the egotistical shitpile of midlife crises that is Metallica, because fuck those guys.
No, seriously, fuck them. I cannot stress this enough. They make me want to rip my ears off and put them in a blender, then drink my own earshake, vomit it back and let the dog lick it up. I'm not even listening to the song I chose (I can't remember which one it is, I just picked the first YouTube result; they all sound like the same manufactured angst anyway) as I'm writing this. I just don't give a shit. But here's the worst part about the whole debacle: they could be good.
That's right. They could be good. Don't get me wrong: I know I've been leaning towards stadium rock and psychedelia in my choices, and generally this is an accurate microcosm of my taste in music, but every so often I do love me a spot of heavy metal, and when I first heard Metallica some years ago I thought I'd be able to adequately rock out to them. But no, they were (and still are, obviously) crap.
But, back to They Could Be Good. Metallica's major malfunction I think is that they take themselves too seriously. Way too seriously. Never mind the childish bullshit about the illegal downloading and all that dripping-with-PR-stunt douchebaggery they pulled: I'm talking musically. They are all talented and accomplished musicians, but the problem is that they're pandering to their audience, convinced that they have a direct line into the burned-up, blacker-than-black souls of moody teenagers with painted nails and greasy hair. And they do, and that's the problem: those teenagers take themselves way too seriously because Metallica take themselves way too seriously.
They're pushing this ridiculous notion that to see the humour in anything (especially yourself) is a sign of weakness and diminished masculinity, that you can only be cool and metal if you never smile and subscribe solely to the "life is pain" mantra. Now, let's get one thing straight here, Metallica: yes, life is pain, but it's a hoot if you crack a joke every now and then.
But, back to They Could Be Good. Metallica's major malfunction I think is that they take themselves too seriously. Way too seriously. Never mind the childish bullshit about the illegal downloading and all that dripping-with-PR-stunt douchebaggery they pulled: I'm talking musically. They are all talented and accomplished musicians, but the problem is that they're pandering to their audience, convinced that they have a direct line into the burned-up, blacker-than-black souls of moody teenagers with painted nails and greasy hair. And they do, and that's the problem: those teenagers take themselves way too seriously because Metallica take themselves way too seriously.
They're pushing this ridiculous notion that to see the humour in anything (especially yourself) is a sign of weakness and diminished masculinity, that you can only be cool and metal if you never smile and subscribe solely to the "life is pain" mantra. Now, let's get one thing straight here, Metallica: yes, life is pain, but it's a hoot if you crack a joke every now and then.
It's a pity that Metallica can't lighten up. If they were more fun to listen to, maybe their fans would be more fun to be around, and all those knock-off metal bands who credit Metallica as an influence and as having "changed the musical landscape" (nobody said that, I think: I just made it up there), all those knock-off bands might lighten up a little and then maybe all the doom and angst could be left to the songsmiths who can actually do it well, people like Nick Cave and Polly Harvey and Thom Yorke, people who can articulate their feelings in eloquent and beautiful ways, and then maybe metal might be fun to listen to again, maybe those bands could be cheap knock-offs of Judas Priest or Iron Maiden, but Metallica? Fuck those guys.
No comments:
Post a Comment